i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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