Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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