You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
