i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
