I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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