i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize