She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She even gives head with a lisp.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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