Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize