There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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