i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
i believe in u and ur pee
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
