You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
it's great music for shaving your balls
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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