why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
