if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
