I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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