She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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