She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize