im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
