hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
