haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
