i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
