i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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