I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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