I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
