i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Randomize