Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
