I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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