That's when you crack a 10am beer
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
