I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
What changed your mind?
Being sober
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
