This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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