so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I understand Curling. That high.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize