I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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