I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
