Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
