I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
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She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
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Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.