youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
What a dumb baby whore.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
