My cat gives me a boner
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
# Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.