hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM