matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team