is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
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puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
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It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity