Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Quick, to the slutcave!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.