Define "chronic" masturbator.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize