are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
