Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
