she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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