So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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