At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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