I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
