i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
