we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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