If i come over, it means nothing
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
