she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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