my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
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All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
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Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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