It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
