I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
