He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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