Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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