he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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