is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
