well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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