thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
This is classic penis vs brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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