I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Are my feet made of real feet?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
