I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
