i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
