operation have a gay friend backfired
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
