This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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