Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
