the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
and you said cock pushups were impossible
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
