I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
