dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
